These are my professors notes on the thesis:
I finished reading your draft and enjoyed it.
I think you write well. Below some feedback and questions that the second assessor can ask or raise:
references are missing or not frequently done. In some sections the text looks like an long essay without references. This might raise red flag as some readers might think that AI has been used in the thesis is sometimes. Make it more academic with many more academic and updated references. Do not separate sections.. Thesis should flow as one big text, not 3 different essays. Link each section to the previous and the next one. Ideas should flow organically, naturally and logically.
Having said that the CSR sections are a bit out of place. Even artificial. I don’t see any criticism or reflection. I don’t see much analysis. Try to develop a stronger argument: Why is CSR a useful principle for gender equality? Or vice versa? Right now the main argument is lost in many nice but generic paragraphs that everyone can find if they Google it.
Finally, the CSR should be linked to gender mainstreaming or equality better. Aren’t our current/existing other legislation not enough for issues related to gender (such as company law, social and economic rights, other texts that are about gender rights)? To put it in other words: Why do we need your thesis? What’s its added value? You should convince the reader better that this thesis is important, useful and relevant. Moreover this issue requires a critical analysis. Try to analyse it critically. Right now it is mostly informing the reader. Not analysing it.
Method section is not developed well. Try to improve it. What’s your method here? Case law, and academic literature analysis? Why not using report, interviews or media for instance? How will you choose your literature?
Please use references that are more recent, reference Oscola style as well
Some of the sentences/paragraphs do not make sense. Rewrite these.
