Six discussion questions/posts. The textbook is Family Therapy: An Overview by Goldenberg, I., DeFrain, J., Stanton, M., & Goldenberg, H. (2017). Family therapy: An overview (9th ed.). Cengage Learning. ISBN-13: 9781305092969 Review Chapter 1 and Read Chapter 2. A substantive post is 100 words minimum, incorporates information from the course materials/readings or personal experience, and adds something new to the conversation that others can learn from.
DQ1: I think dating if for anyone of an appropriate age. People over 50 that may have lost a spouse, never married, or been divorced, still deserve love. They should absolutely feel comfortable and respected when looking for a life partner. Cohabitation instead of marriage is also acceptable. A lot of younger generation people are also choosing to do this for a variety of reasons. I think as long as two people are consenting adults that are within an appropriate range in ages for each other, there is no reason they should not be allowed to date and if they see fit, live together.
I am curious – what is an appropriate age range?
DQ2: I believe mixed aged households are becoming more common because of people being in different life stages at different ages. Beyond just mixed-age marriages, there are also people of mixed ages that are choosing to live together for financial reasons. This becomes a problem on occasion because of different and conflicting world views. From political differences to social differences, large age differences can pose a big problem for many. This is also true of differences in upbringing, this can cause conflicts in views on how to care for and run a household.
DQ3: Mixed age households are more common for many reasons. Two of the biggest reasons is money and health. As people get older, they are not always prepared financially if they get sick. Most people have Medicare which I believe gives you basic benefits, yet doesn’t pay for long stays in care facilities. If they do, the care is basic and limited. Everyone when they get to retirement age may not have a lot of money saved, so if they have adult children with a house, they may decide to move in with their children to lower their cost of living. Large families would also be a reason for mixed age households. Grandparents may be brought in to help take care of young children if the mother is single and needs support in that area. The economy in the United States also is a factor in mixed households. If there is someone who has cancer or any other terminal illness or a disability that affects one of the family members and they are not able to afford in-home care, different family members who may have medical knowledge and/or enough personal availability might be asked to move in for a season or permanently depending on the situation. A potential issue would be everyone getting along so as to not cause division in the family or the household. Another would be finances and everyone coming together and not being selfish. Members of the family in the household becoming jealous or envious because one or two particular people are getting more attention than others.
DQ4: I personally feel society should stay out of relationships that do not directly affect them. What is most important is not age, sex, or really even religious or preference. What is important is that all those in the relationship have a healthy safe partnership in which each party’s needs are being met, most of the wants are being met, and the boundaries are being respected. What this means is if some need a more serious marriage oriented relationship then their parents should need, want, or willing to move to the route. If parties needs a more open style relationship then the other should also have a need or want to towards that direction. My friend had a relationship in which she had issues and she was going on about how she did not want unsolicited advice. So I ask her ” What do you need? What do you want? What are your mandatory boundaries? And What are your flexible boundaries?” Then I advised her to find her partner’s answers then set up rules and consequences in her relationship for them. Everyone’s needs are not the same. My friend needs a lot of emotional support, a lot of “I love you” and a touchy feely partner but she doesn’t feel like she needs the financial support. So she needs more of an emotionally close relationship with a partner that is devoted to her. I on the other hand see multiple types of love languages so I do not need such devotions. My daydreams in high school in all honesty was a more intellectual partnership with financial stability. So in my day dreams my partner was rarely home, even currently I couldn’t care less if we have a more monogamous or polyamorous relationship so long as I have the financial and intellectual side when I want and or need it. I prefer by far a more monogamous style ( alot less stress and drama) and my boyfriend truly is for monogamy so we stay with a monogamous relationship and probably always will but because my needs are that I need to be the only one. However, if I were in a relationship that does fit my current situation then the new boundaries would be discussed to fit what need and want I would need to feel safe and comfortable with the new circumstance. That is because my base need is necessarily about monogamy but other things. One base need I have is honesty if if something changes they need to come to me prior to just changing out relationship flow so I have time to figure how my needs can be met will them fulfilling there’s either by adjusting flexible boundaries, making nor changes, or even giving me the option to refuse it and walk away or them figuring out the not something they truly need if it means losing me. Truthfully even the concept of romance, or Physical attraction means less to me than is more of a want in my life than need, Of course unless my partner has not intresting those thing our partnership is more of a roomate, or other not dating or courtship style relationship, it alway better for me that my partner has romantic or physical attraction towards me simply due to this usually being a requirement on some level for most people, but if someone is closer to me I have no issues with it not being there. So in reality it is not about all the things people try to make it about but more about the individuals involved in the relationship and what they want or need. Where people have issues is they 1 should not bring other into their relationship because friend and family can artificially influence a person and then in the end they no longer fully get the want because too much is in their head plus constantly live in the past, unless the person is person that you talk to can truly act as non judgemental person that helps the person understand things without pushing their opinions. This is a big issue in today’s society where some people go straight to social media to complain about their relationship, then when the issues get fixed others start pushing things to force their opinion of others. 2 if boundaries are set especially need one there are consequences for crossing them especially repeatedly and a clear understand of how flexible the flexible boundaries are such I prefer for the line to stay at 0 but I can handle if it move to 2 for a day or two or under these types of circumstances.
DQ5: Susan shared her story of her 80 year old grandfather dating, and down thread Nyx mentions appropriate age ranges – do you think an 80 year old dating a 60 year old is too big of range?
DQ6: I also happen to think that love is love. Who are we to say anything about a person choosing to date over 50. I also think that it does tend to get lonelier in your older years. My grandfather dated in his 80’s and the one thing he would always tell me is he loved the companionship he had with his girlfriend. It helped ease the loneliness. I am all for people finding someone who makes them happy especially in their 50’s.
Thanks for sharing not only your opinion, but the story about your grandfather. I think it is very sweet that he found someone. Some people feel like they shouldn’t move on after they lose their spouse, but I feel differently. I mean definitely give yourself time to heal and wait until you are ready. I think it is perfect for them not to be lonely, it can do a number on your mental health. Why not live your life?
ADDITIONAL RESOURCES
The textbook is Family Therapy: An Overview by Goldenberg, I., DeFrain, J., Stanton, M., & Goldenberg, H. (2017). Family therapy: An overview (9th ed.). Cengage Learning. ISBN-13: 9781305092969 Review Chapter 1 and Read Chapter 2 of Family Therapy: An Overview.
Read “Development and Context Across the Lifespan: A Community Psychology Synthesis,” by Ozer & Russo, from APA Handbook of Community Psychology: Theoretical Foundations, Core Concepts, and Emerging Challenges (pp. 421-436) (2017). https://lopes.idm.oclc.org/login?url=https://search.ebscohost.com/login.aspx?direct=true&db=psyh&AN=2016-09482-021&site=ehost-live&scope=site&custid=s8333196&groupid=main&profile=ehost
Read “Family Development Theory,” by White, from International Encyclopedia of Marriage and Family (2003). White, J., M., & White, J. M. (2003). Family development theory. In J. J. Ponzetti Jr. (Ed.), International Encyclopedia of Marriage and Family (2nd ed.). Gale. https://search.credoreference.com/articles/Qm9va0FydGljbGU6MjY4NjE5OQ==?aid=96349White, J., M., & White, J. M. (2003). Family development theory. In J. J. Ponzetti Jr. (Ed.), International Encyclopedia of Marriage and Family (2nd ed.). Gale. https://search.credoreference.com/articles/Qm9va0FydGljbGU6MjY4NjE5OQ==?aid=96349
Read “Introduction: Current Perspectives on Couple Relationships in the Middle and Later Years,” by Bookwala, from Couple Relationships in the Middle and Later Years: Their Nature, Complexity, and Role in Health and Illness (2016). https://lopes.idm.oclc.org/login?url=https://search.ebscohost.com/login.aspx?direct=true&db=psyh&AN=2015-53342-001&site=ehost-live&scope=site&custid=s8333196&groupid=main&profile=ehost
Read “Effectiveness of Positive Discipline Parenting Program on Parenting Style, and Child Adaptive Behavior,” by Carroll, from Child Psychiatry & Human Development (2022). https://lopes.idm.oclc.org/login?url=https://search.ebscohost.com/login.aspx?direct=true&db=ehh&AN=159662005&site=ehost-live&scope=site&custid=s8333196&groupid=main&profile=ehost
View “The Power of Family: Types of Families and Family Development” in Films on Demand (2008). The power of family: Types of families and family development. (2008). In Films On Demand. Films Media Group. https://fod.infobase.com/PortalPlaylists.aspx?wID=96349&xtid=41239
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