I was walking this evening, trying to stay active and maintain the progress I’ve made on my weight loss journey over the past year, and I started thinking about The Empress card. It dawned on me that I haven’t really discussed a crucial aspect of The Empress: her essence as a compassionate and nurturing figure. Her heart is a bottomless well that gives and gives, and she finds contentment in this generosity. However, The Empress also symbolizes balance and harmony—where there is giving, there must also be taking. This concept of give and take is fundamental to mindfulness and self-awareness.
As adults, many of us understand the nature of giving and receiving, but we often feel uncomfortable being on the receiving end. Expressing simple gratitude can be challenging. For children, gratitude is fleeting; their world centers around their needs and desires. When they receive something (especially neurodivergent children like ours), they might understand the need to say thank you, but true gratitude and its accompanying feelings won’t surface for years. And that’s completely okay. Santa never expected a thank you. It’s our responsibility to teach and exemplify gratitude so they recognize it and emulate it.
A few days ago, I had a conversation with my son about relationships. He understands that my relationship with my husband is unique because we don’t argue or yell or fight; we do things together, and we’re together almost 24/7 since we both work from home. My son observed that most of his friends’ parents are divorced or constantly fight. I shared a statistic with him (paraphrased) that said 57% of first heterosexual marriages end in divorce, 63% of second marriages, and 72% of third marriages.
I asked him why he thought this was, and he didn’t have an answer. I pointed out that the key difference in our relationship is that it’s always “us, us, us,” not “me, me, me.” We do things for each other, ask what the other wants to do, and make plans together. Of course, we have our own time and interests, but WE come first. The moment that changes and the focus shifts to “me, me, me,” the outcome doesn’t look so bright.
I then compared my relationship with him (as an 11-year-old boy). He acknowledged that it’s more “me, me, me” on his part, but more “us, us, us” on my part. I told him he was right on the money and that at this stage in our relationship, that’s expected. It’s not like I expect him to bring home a bag of groceries or pay rent. The best thing he can do is show respect, follow rules, and do what’s expected. I feel like he understood, but given his severe ADHD, he was playing with the dogs two seconds later and it was out-of-sight, out-of-mind. But knowing my son, that awareness and understanding are still floating around in there and will surface when they least expect it.
This experience made me think about The Empress again. She is nurturing, caring, and warm, but balance is crucial. She must also be able and willing to receive. Plants that give too much risk becoming bitter and undesirable. They may look great on the outside but lack substance inside. If they receive too much (water, fertilizer), they will wither or wilt.
It’s a cycle: we give, we receive. Giving too much leads to burnout; receiving too much leads to shortsightedness and inattentiveness. This is the bounty of The Empress; she shares what she receives, but she does so humbly and sincerely. Maintaining this balance helps us become more social and generates positive energy reminiscent of The Empress which doesn’t come off as cringy or braggadocios.
So, how can we be better givers and receivers? Can you take a compliment? Are you sincere in your gratitude, or do you deflect with diversionary tactics? How often do you GIVE compliments? Are they sincere, or are they given in hopes of receiving reciprocal attention? How can the Empress encourage you to be a better giver and taker?
